I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just blew my weed a kiss
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
