He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
