Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
