She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Acid is not a monday night drug
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
