my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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