Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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