it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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