shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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