someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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