so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I currently don't understand fingers.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
