I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
