So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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