Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
