I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Houston, we have a squirter
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
