I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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