I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
