im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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