Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
