So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
