I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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