i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
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You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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