fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You are a genius and a whore.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
