He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
