i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize