Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Sober January is a disaster.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
