I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
