i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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