the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
