fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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