And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I think I just sharted jello shots
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
