Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
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Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize