the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
