My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
