He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I want to make a zoo with you.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
