In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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