Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
