she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
