I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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