I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
