It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
