You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
