he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
