the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize