What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
