My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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