Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
