you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
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we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
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I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
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