the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
