Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
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I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
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I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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