she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize