She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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