i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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