dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He did a backflip because drugs
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