I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Randomize
