Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
