When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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