This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
