You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
