I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
