turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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