a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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