I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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