There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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