I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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