I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Let's get the cat blown out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
