There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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